Rabu, 19 Juli 2023

A Conversation With You

They say some place reminds you of someone.  Who they are -well- is unclear. But what i know to be very true is this whole damn city reminds me of you. 


Those casual night out, berburu ayam goreng dan nasi uduk paling enak di Jakarta. Dari Jakarta Barat sampai Jakarta Timur. Ayam goreng kesayangan penulis favoritku, which easily becomes my favorite too. But not according to your liking. Too many recommendations we didn’t get to try. 


That long drive from Blok M to Kelapa Gading, just because we didn’t ready to say goodbye to the day. And said we craved for ice cream. I hated the cream, you know. But I love the drive. I love those long drives, even the one before that. Remember when I had to have Mie Kangkung on the Wild Wild West? or the ones before. Just silently hoping I could wrap my arms around you. But I never did. I didn’t have the courage. 


Because, even after two and half years, countless dinners and lunches and breakfast, we never became anything. I guess having someone to share a meal with was enough. It was enough. 


Who would’ve thought that the Cikini night would become our goodbye. Now that I think of it, I was ready to let you go that night. I’m just, I’m not brave enough to ask you. 


What I didn’t tell you was, I still remember every conversations, every little detail, every roads and every places we’ve been to like it was yesterday. So tell me, what should I do to forget you?


This town, this town holds too much of a memory of us.


I guess now the cycle is finally complete. We were once a stranger, then a friend, then I don’t know what we are, and now a stranger. 

Selasa, 19 April 2022

I was dreaming… about you

 I was dreaming about him. 

Day..dreaming about him. Not that sweet, romantic, innocent kinda dream. It was hot, steamy but (still) romantic. 


I was talking to my work partner when he suddenly sleep in front of my home window. (Hey, who said dreams should be logical and place and time coherent as well?). His lashes are just as long and beautiful as I remember it. His lips smiled a little. And he still has that bushy beard. I looked at him through the window, he didn’t notice. I smiled. My work partner smiled at me. As I was going to take picture of him sleeping, he opened his eyes. My work partner just turned on the light of my room. I put my phone down, rushed. He smiled at me, making fun of me saying that I liked him. So, I playfully hit him with blanket and rushed back to my room. He smiled again then went back to sleep, I managed to snap some picture of him peacefully sleeping. When he woke up, I crossed him in front of the door. As I was trying to make karate move he grabbed me by my body like a hug, I was unable to move. I was trying to step on his foot and desperately saying “Can I at least move a little?” He said “okay” then he lifted me like he was trying to smack me down. As I was desperately praying for my life, he kissed me. By my mouth. His lips caught me by surprised. It wasn’t just once, he kissed my three times. When he let go, I grabbed his hand as i said, “you can’t just leave after that”. Then I woke up.


I’d never knew.

Rabu, 22 September 2021

Yeah, I think I can

 I guess I haven’t really moved on, have I?

Because here I am talking to somebody else and all I can think about was you. How you like dirty talk, how you tell me stories about other girls you like, how you gain weight and now that you handsome too, HAHAH

All I can think about was, what would our life look like if I’m ever yours?

Even when I dirty talk with someone all I can think about is that he would never be you. How can I always tolerate you, let you do things you do to me and get away with it? Maybe I finally have the answer for the big question. 

Yeah, I think I can. As long as it’s you.